Going to the wedding of a good friend.

My friend is getting married in two weeks time.

I have too many dresses now so although I have bought a new dress for the wedding I am going through my wardrobe to find an appropriate outfit for the hens night.

It will be my first time attending such a function as it is, of course, girls only.

I have had a lovely Sunday morning dressing and taking photos.

2016 Chillout Festival.

Seahorse Victoria

I have been a member of Seahorse Victoria since 2004.

Seahorse has been around since 1975 and has been an immeasurable help to so many girls. It's importance is impossible to quantify.

I have seen girls come in to a meeting to scared to say boo and a few short months later see the same girls out at a public venue dancing up a storm.

This photo was taken in our old meeting room that was demolished some years ago. I think this was about 2008. The lady on the right is the wonderful Greer our long serving President and without whom Seahorse would no longer operate. She is a marvelous woman.

This is a bunch of us girls representing Seahorse in the Pride March in 2010

Here Elaine, a founding member, is cutting the 38th anniversary cake in 2013

Greer, Merri and me at our June 2013 meeting.

Meredith s a club stalwart. She has been on the committee for years and been on the door most meeting nights. She and I have been long time members.

The 40th anniversary ball in 2015 was a great night. 

This is our table.

Organizations such as Seahorse are struggling to survive. I support Seahorse because it is a huge help for those who are battling to come to grips with who and what they are. I firmly believe Seahorse saves lives.

Me outside our meeting room.

I hope that the club can continue for some time to come.

Jan xx.

My First Transformal. 2012

I first attended Transformal, which was held in the beautiful Blue Mountains high above Sydney, in 2012.

I had known of the event since it's inception in 2010 but for some strange reason had not had the mind to attend.

This is the Cocktail Reception on the first night of my first Transformal.

I met these girls for the first time and I am happy to say I am still friends with a most of them. This was a lot of fun and for some girls their first time out in the real world ever. It is always lovely to watch a new girl discover that the world does not collapse because she was in public presenting as a woman.

This is the group photo for 2012

Sunday morning shortly after the group photo on the steps of the Carrington. I am happy to say that I am still friends with five of these girls today.

These two beautiful young ladies were making a film of the event for a school project. Even though they gained permission from all the girls they filmed and interviewed the finished product never saw the light of day as one of the interviewees rescinded her permission post production making their project useless.

It is not hard to see why we are sometimes viewed in a bad light. Tsk tsk.

This is the first photo I have of Lorraine and me at a Transformal. I have always tried for a photo with her each year.

Being my first Transformal it was pretty special to me. I have loved them all but you always remember your first!

Jan xx.

A bit of a Milestone.

04-09-2018

I have decided not to let inhibitions rule my life.

I live in a small regional town of eight thousand people and I know most of them. I prefer to grocery shop as a woman and I usually travel to one of two larger towns that are half an hour to the east and west.

Tonight I shopped in both of our local supermarkets for the first time as a woman.

This is the outfit I chose to wear. I was the only person in a dress, being only the fourth day of Spring, but even so I was all but invisible. A shop assistant said hello and I chatted to the young man on the checkout but in all I was just another woman going about her business.

I saw one person I knew well but he didn't notice me.

It was nice to be me in such a familiar place. In all a good step in the right direction for me.

Jan xx.

Cruise to Nowhere.

With the demise of Transformal a few of the girls donned their thinking caps and have come up with a new venture to perpetuate our yearly get together.

An ocean cruise.

Next year, 2019, we are boarding in Melbourne and sailing for three nights to Sydney, hence the name 'Cruise to Nowhere.' Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at sea, visiting nowhere.

With the great turnout of family members last Transformal I have asked my eldest daughter to accompany me on the cruise. She is a great ally and has known about Jan for some time and is completely unfazed by the situation.She is a special young woman who sees the good in all. I am very proud of her.

She accompanied me to the Seahorse Victoria 40th Anniversary Ball in 2015 and was a big hit:-

The venue had this oversized chair as a photo opportunity and Trans people being what we are took full advantage. I think we may have had the most photos taken as we were the the only parent/daughter combination there. Cameras came from everywhere.

I think the cruise is a wonderful idea. The organisors wrote to P & O asking for the ok to board as women while presenting male photographic I.D. and was met with deafening silence. Thankfully the Princess Line was a lot more welcoming and accommodating. (and open minded)

When I have been involved in mainstream events in the past I have found that a good percentage of straight people have fun with us. They often show interest and it is always lovely to be asked for photos with them. I hope the cruise is no exception.

We have a young lady at a travel agency handling all the arrangements and she has assured us that all is good. She is lovely and seems to be getting into the whole swing of things.

It will hold lots of new experiences as I will be flying back to Melbourne on Monday which is the first time I will fly as a woman. I have been wanting to experience this for some time but until now the opportunity has never arisen.

I am looking forward to the event very much.

Jan xxx.

No more Transformal

It's official.

This year, 2018,  was the last Transformal. After nine years it has gone into hibernation, possibly for ever.

I attended every year from 2012, seven times in all.

I had a great time at each one but perhaps it is for the best that it quit while it was ahead. It would have been very sad to see it fade away due to lack of interest. That said, this year was the best attended yet and had the greatest number of supportive family members attend of any year.

The organisor has had enough and chose not to allow others to carry it on for fear of sullying the good reputation. I have to agree with her decision.

These events are appealing to a shrinking market worldwide. Seems a bit counter intuitive seeing the emergence of awareness re trans issues these last few years but the truth is we can go anywhere and do almost anything we please without fear so the need for discretion has been somewhat alleviated.

We did not know it at the time but this was to be the very last Transformal group photograph.
 Taken this year, 2018.

Jan xx.

About Me

The dress I wore to the the 2018 Transformal Dinner.

Hi to anyone who has somehow found my little corner of the web.

This is a blog dealing with transgender issues and experiences. It is intended to record my feelings, my progress and my situation and changes that occur.

I hope it sheds some light on how things are.

Insights - Janny and being Transgender.

  My situation is most fortunate in that I have a wonderfully accepting family. I am blessed and I do not take this lightly or for granted. I know of many in my situation who have lost family and this makes me truly sad. I cannot explain exactly why this happens any more than I can explain transgenderism but I think, from observation, that family rejects when embarrassment takes over.
  I am not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don't think it is shameful to be a woman.
 My first experience of wishing to be a girl was at three years of age. It is my earliest memory.
 As for labels I really don't care. Call me a transvestite, t girl, crossdresser, transgender, tranny or whatever. The only thing I do not like to see is girls written as 'gurls'. Where did 'gurl' come from? When presenting as female we are girls or perhaps more accurately women. That is how I feel and that is what I am. I am a don't call me a gurl girl. As a matter of fact I have avoided any group with 'gurl' in the title and choose not to respond to any 'gurl' reference.

My Name.

Had that pesky x chromosome  kept it's unwanted nose out of my business my parents were to name me Jan, which was a popular girls' name at the time. A lot of Jans that I know are often Janice or Janet but I was to be christened Jan, just Jan.

 Cross Gender Behaviour

 I have absolutely no reasonable explanation why I have the driving need to express myself as a woman. I have read volumes on the subject over many years and I have reached the conclusion that perhaps no one truly knows. I do believe that there are people who are born in the wrong physical gender to their psychological gender. These people often display their true gender to the world at an early age, refuse to conform to their birth gender and do not in any way attempt to hide the fact.
 Those like myself who have functioned successfully in our birth gender and have hidden our cross gender feelings are I think a different case altogether.
 Could it be so simple as we enjoy presenting as the opposite gender to the extent that some of us choose to live our lives as the opposite sex full time. Simply put, given the choice and the opportunity, we prefer to be women.
 Some trans people have described their transgenderism as a gift. I don't know if I would go as far as to say that but it is definitely an interesting aspect to life. There are times when I absolutely embrace Jan. I cannot imagine not having her in my life. Being trans and therefore a member of a minority gives an insight to the trials other minorities face.

 Perception

 Being perceived as a woman is totally different than being perceived as a man and I feel fortunate to experience something that the cisgender population never will. Cis men do not really know how society treats women and cis women cannot truly know how men are treated.
 Also to experience situations as the opposite gender is an eye opener. For example it is very different sitting in an above the knee dress than sitting in trousers. I have discovered functionality often trumps form.
 I can honestly say that I have not had a negative experience when out and about as Jan. People generally keep to themselves and are not overly interested in what is going on around them. I am careful to blend as much as possible and of course like any prudent woman I am selective as to where I go and with whom.
 I have had many interactions with health services, government departments, retail establishments and the general public. I find people are nice.
 A lot of genetic women choose to down play their expression of femininity. Such as wearing trousers, little or no makeup or jewellery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We rarely go down this path. The obvious problem with this is the proclivity to overdress. One should not wear a party dress, pearls and green eye shadow to the mall. Also middle aged genetic women rarely (read never) wear mini skirts.
 I feel that appropriate behaviour and presentation is very important if we want to be accepted and in some fashion  respected.
 The older I become the more I wonder why someone like myself choosing to present as female is such a big deal to some. I believe things are improving and that's nice.

 Why the need for (so many) photos?

 This is a perfectly valid question. After all I don't see too many genetic women posting pictures of themselves in their various outfits and social situations.
 I enjoy being able to look back at the wonderful social times and I also use my photos to record my changing looks and presentation. This does not need to be in a public forum yet many of us choose to use internet communities for this purpose.
 My favourite photos are those taken with family and friends.
 I do know that it is much more satisfying to dress and go out than to dress in private. Perhaps posting publicly is a progression of that.

 Gender dysphoria - Wikipedia

 'Gender dysphoria (GD), or gender identity disorder (GID), is the distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender.'
 I have met very few people who have expressed an unsolicited declaration of  love for their birth gender. It is rare to hear someone cisgender say they love being a man or a woman. The few occasions have been women when trying to understand my desire to be female expressing their empathy by stating their own love of being female. As for men the only time I have heard them say they are glad they were not born female is related to periods and childbirth.
 Gender dysphoria can be quite debilitating. Its intensity increases and decreases at different times. When strong it can be all consuming to the extent that it is difficult to focus on much else. Thankfully these periods are fleeting but never the less require vigilance to control. I imagine only someone who has experienced GD could relate to this.
 Gender Dysphoria has been a major part of my life since I can remember. I appreciate that it is difficult for those who have not experienced GD to understand.
 When presenting as my preferred gender I know I am a different person. That is not to say that I am a fake when presenting as a male but I am much more relaxed and happy when in my feminine persona.
I have been socialising as a woman since 2004 and have made some very special friends.and had some lovely experiences.
 I am fortunate to live in a time and a country that is tolerant of gender diversity, something for which I am ever grateful.

 Things I Like:-

Agreeable people.
Caring people.
Drop earrings.
Elegant jewellery.
Excellent personal hygiene.
Good conversationalists who are also good listeners.
Interesting profile stories.
People making an effort to present nicely.
Perfume.
Pretty dresses.
Pretty shoes.
Shopping (of any nature)
Smooth skin.
Understated makeup.

 Things I Do Not Care For:-

 Bullies.
Clownish makeup.
Disagreeable people.
Fibbers.
Foul language.
Homophobes.
Hypocrites.
Illicit drugs in any form.
Micro minis on anyone over the age of sixteen.
Narcissists.
People who cannot be bothered to spell correctly - God knows the internet provides the answers.
Poker machines.
Poor hygiene.
Rudeness.
Self absorbed people.
Smoking, smokers, cigarettes but not fags.
Sociopaths.
T Girls giving themselves super weird names.
Tasteless photos of hairy male bodies in ladies underwear.
Tasteless photos of lewd acts.
Tasteless photos of male genitalia.
Tasteless photos.
Tattoos (on anyone)
Thieves.
Ugly shorts.

Jan xx 

Very early shots of me.