The dress I wore to the the 2018 Transformal Dinner.
Hi to anyone who has somehow found my little corner of the web.
This is a blog dealing with transgender issues and experiences. It is intended to record my feelings, my progress and my situation and changes that occur.
I hope it sheds some light on how things are.
Insights - Janny and being Transgender.
I am not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don't think it is shameful to be a woman.
My first experience of wishing to be a girl was at three years of age. It is my earliest memory.
As for labels I really don't care. Call me a transvestite, t girl, crossdresser, transgender, tranny or whatever. The only thing I do not like to see is girls written as 'gurls'. Where did 'gurl' come from? When presenting as female we are girls or perhaps more accurately women. That is how I feel and that is what I am. I am a don't call me a gurl girl. As a matter of fact I have avoided any group with 'gurl' in the title and choose not to respond to any 'gurl' reference.
My Name.
Had that pesky x chromosome kept it's unwanted nose out of my business my parents were to name me Jan, which was a popular girls' name at the time. A lot of Jans that I know are often Janice or Janet but I was to be christened Jan, just Jan.
Cross Gender Behaviour
I have absolutely no reasonable explanation why I have the driving need to express myself as a woman. I have read volumes on the subject over many years and I have reached the conclusion that perhaps no one truly knows. I do believe that there are people who are born in the wrong physical gender to their psychological gender. These people often display their true gender to the world at an early age, refuse to conform to their birth gender and do not in any way attempt to hide the fact.
Those like myself who have functioned successfully in our birth gender and have hidden our cross gender feelings are I think a different case altogether.
Could it be so simple as we enjoy presenting as the opposite gender to the extent that some of us choose to live our lives as the opposite sex full time. Simply put, given the choice and the opportunity, we prefer to be women.
Some trans people have described their transgenderism as a gift. I don't know if I would go as far as to say that but it is definitely an interesting aspect to life. There are times when I absolutely embrace Jan. I cannot imagine not having her in my life. Being trans and therefore a member of a minority gives an insight to the trials other minorities face.
Perception
Being perceived as a woman is totally different than being perceived as a man and I feel fortunate to experience something that the cisgender population never will. Cis men do not really know how society treats women and cis women cannot truly know how men are treated.
Also to experience situations as the opposite gender is an eye opener. For example it is very different sitting in an above the knee dress than sitting in trousers. I have discovered functionality often trumps form.
I can honestly say that I have not had a negative experience when out and about as Jan. People generally keep to themselves and are not overly interested in what is going on around them. I am careful to blend as much as possible and of course like any prudent woman I am selective as to where I go and with whom.
I have had many interactions with health services, government departments, retail establishments and the general public. I find people are nice.
A lot of genetic women choose to down play their expression of femininity. Such as wearing trousers, little or no makeup or jewellery and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We rarely go down this path. The obvious problem with this is the proclivity to overdress. One should not wear a party dress, pearls and green eye shadow to the mall. Also middle aged genetic women rarely (read never) wear mini skirts.
I feel that appropriate behaviour and presentation is very important if we want to be accepted and in some fashion respected.
The older I become the more I wonder why someone like myself choosing to present as female is such a big deal to some. I believe things are improving and that's nice.
Why the need for (so many) photos?
This is a perfectly valid question. After all I don't see too many genetic women posting pictures of themselves in their various outfits and social situations.
I enjoy being able to look back at the wonderful social times and I also use my photos to record my changing looks and presentation. This does not need to be in a public forum yet many of us choose to use internet communities for this purpose.
My favourite photos are those taken with family and friends.
I do know that it is much more satisfying to dress and go out than to dress in private. Perhaps posting publicly is a progression of that.
Gender dysphoria - Wikipedia
'Gender dysphoria (GD), or gender identity disorder (GID), is the distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender.'
I have met very few people who have expressed an unsolicited declaration of love for their birth gender. It is rare to hear someone cisgender say they love being a man or a woman. The few occasions have been women when trying to understand my desire to be female expressing their empathy by stating their own love of being female. As for men the only time I have heard them say they are glad they were not born female is related to periods and childbirth.
Gender dysphoria can be quite debilitating. Its intensity increases and decreases at different times. When strong it can be all consuming to the extent that it is difficult to focus on much else. Thankfully these periods are fleeting but never the less require vigilance to control. I imagine only someone who has experienced GD could relate to this.
Gender Dysphoria has been a major part of my life since I can remember. I appreciate that it is difficult for those who have not experienced GD to understand.
When presenting as my preferred gender I know I am a different person. That is not to say that I am a fake when presenting as a male but I am much more relaxed and happy when in my feminine persona.
I have been socialising as a woman since 2004 and have made some very special friends.and had some lovely experiences.
I am fortunate to live in a time and a country that is tolerant of gender diversity, something for which I am ever grateful.
Things I Like:-
Agreeable people.
Caring people.
Drop earrings.
Elegant jewellery.
Excellent personal hygiene.
Good conversationalists who are also good listeners.
Interesting profile stories.
People making an effort to present nicely.
Perfume.
Pretty dresses.
Pretty shoes.
Shopping (of any nature)
Smooth skin.
Understated makeup.
Things I Do Not Care For:-
Bullies.
Clownish makeup.
Disagreeable people.
Fibbers.
Foul language.
Homophobes.
Hypocrites.
Illicit drugs in any form.
Micro minis on anyone over the age of sixteen.
Narcissists.
People who cannot be bothered to spell correctly - God knows the internet provides the answers.
Poker machines.
Poor hygiene.
Rudeness.
Self absorbed people.
Smoking, smokers, cigarettes but not fags.
Sociopaths.
T Girls giving themselves super weird names.
Tasteless photos of hairy male bodies in ladies underwear.
Tasteless photos of lewd acts.
Tasteless photos of male genitalia.
Tasteless photos.
Tattoos (on anyone)
Thieves.
Ugly shorts.
Jan xx
Very early shots of me.
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